![]() ![]() But if you let your emotions overwhelm you when you’re trying to express yourself, then your message potentially gets lost. ![]() It’s okay to be emotional when you’re communicating and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The more hurt and disappointment you’ve experienced, the more you tend to generalize those experiences to new ones. ![]() But often it’s your own past experiences in similar situations that cause you to attach incorrect motives or intentions. You may think you know because of previous interactions with this person. Much like making assumptions, believing you understand the why behind what someone says or does is dangerous. How many times have you thought you just knew what the other person was really trying to say or do? Only to find out you were dead wrong. You can’t do this if you’re too busy forming your response and biding your time until you can interject. You do this by repeating back what you’ve heard, to make sure you’ve understood it accurately. Active listening is done with the intent of letting the other person know you want to understand. There’s a difference between waiting until it’s your turn to talk, and actively listening to what is being said. Effective, intentional communication means stopping everything else and focusing-giving 100% to your child, spouse, friend, etc. That doesn’t necessarily bode well for good communication, however. Though technically this is also a form of distraction, it deserves its own category because as women we are busy! We are juggling many roles and responsibilities throughout the day and have often become master multitaskers out of necessity. If this person matters to you, then show it. What’s more important to you than the person who’s trying to communicate with you? That’s what he or she is wondering if you aren’t paying attention! Put down the phone, turn the TV off, set the book down. It says whether you’re engaged or disengaged from the conversation, and whether the other person should bother, or not. What speaks louder to you? A person’s words (verbal), the way she says those words (vocal), or what she does while she’s speaking or listening (nonverbal)? Research shows that if your message is unclear, then others will pay more attention to what you aren’t saying. With all those possible meanings, how can one possibly know what your lack of eye contact means? How many misunderstandings could have been avoided if you’d just looked at the person who’s talking to you? 3. Unengaged or negative body language In some cultures, however, it’s actually impolite to look people in the eye, especially if the other person is older. In Western culture, lack of eye contact can indicate a number of things: avoidance, distraction, anxiety or nervousness, lack of interest, deception or insecurity. ![]() It’s disrespectful and sends the message that we care more about what we have to say than what we need to hear. And it’s annoying when others do it to us. When the focus is on ourselves, we can tend to create communication barriers. We’re working so hard at trying to get our point across that we forget that one of the most important aspects of effective communication, and an aspect of selfless love, is first seeking to understand. Why is it so hard, sometimes, to communicate with others? One reason is because we focus too much on being understood. Part of a healthy relationship is intentional communication! Part of intentional living is being in a healthy relationship. ![]()
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